« I was standing in the air-conditioned hush of Forever Bridal in Albuquerque, New Mexico, but since all I could see was a rack of plastic-wrapped wedding dresses taller than my head, I could have been in any bridal shop in any part of the country. The dresses were ones that had needed tailoring to fit their brides. I stared at the different shades of white, from dazzling white like fresh snow in sunlight to a cream so dark it was almost a pale brown, or maybe taupe. I was always confused by taupe. Who wouldn’t be confused by a color that couldn’t decide if it was gray or tan ? The dress they’d finally let me try on was black, because the pale teal that matched the maid of honor’s dress had looked so bad on me that even Donna Parnell, the bride-to-be, had conceded that we could try the dress in black for me. Since I was the best man, or best person, on the groom’s side of the aisle and the men were in black tuxes with teal ties and cummerbunds, putting me in black would make the wedding party look more balanced, or that’s what the store manager had finally said. »
« – Yes, she swore to me, promised me.
– The same say she promised she wouldn’t talk to anyone else about your secret ? he asked.
His eyes were that pale, winter blue now ; it was almost gray. It was the color his eyes went when he was being Edward the assassin. Edward the cold-blooded sociopathic killer had eyes the color of winter skies. Donna went pale.
– Don’t look at me like that, Ted, please.
That meant that she’d seen the look on his face before, but never aimed at her. It also meant she had some idea what that look in his eyes meant. I almost felt sorry for her, but she had brought it on herself. »
« You are being awfully optimistic about the government of our country. It was hard enough to get the United States to allow same-sex marriage. I don’t see multiple partners being legal anytime soon. »
« The upper right side of the man’s body was a mass of writhing snakes. The right side of his face was covered in livid green scales. I expected his eye on that side to be like the snake’s eyes, but it was still a human eye, brown and ordinary, but coming out of the side of his neck and trailing up the edge of his face were more snakes. It was as if his human body was turning into a mass of serpents. »
« I think, ma petite, the phrase you are looking for is dat ass. »
« – Contract workers, contractors, sounds like temporary office help. What happened to soldier of fortune, mercenary, and all the other cool names I remember from old movies ?
– Try putting soldier of fortune down on your tax return and see how well that works. »
« We hunt rogue vampires and lycanthropes that have murdered people. We keep people safe by killing the things that kill them. »
« It is not power that makes someone evil, it is what they do with that power. »
« Hope is a lying bitch, but sometimes it’s all we have. »
« The difference between paranoia and caution is one simple thing, are they really out to get you ? »
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