C'est la première fois que je poste sur Booknode
Voici une nouvelle que j'ai due écrire pour un TD d'anglais en première année de Licence. Elle est donc, sans surprise, en anglais. (J'ai pris quelques libertés avec le Trouble Dissociatif de l'Identité, dont le personnage principal est atteint.)
J'espère que ça vous plaira, merci d'être passé par là.
Mais assez de blabla, faisons place à la nouvelle...
Who am I?
Two years ago, I was diagnosed with a dissociative identity disorder. It meant I had at least two distinct enduring identities. They would show alternatively in my behavior without me knowing when they would appear or disappear. At that time, I was living in a psychiatric hospital.
At first, I couldn’t believe it. I mean, would you believe it if someone told you someday, “Hey, did you know that there are two other people in your head and that they sometimes take control of your mind and body?” No, of course not.
It was a slow process, but I finally became aware of my other identities, Ava and Adam. I couldn’t just ignore them anyway: some time after my psychiatrist, Anna, told me I had this dissociative identity disorder, I somehow became able to see those two other parts of my mind I didn’t know about before.
It was during one of my group therapy sessions. We were all sitting on chairs, forming a circle. I usually sat alone, leaving the chairs beside me empty, but this day, they were occupied. On my left sat an old man. His piercing pale eyes were staring at me. I was then distracted when a young girl planted herself in front of me, hands on her hips. She bent at the waist, so we were at eye level, and she observed me.
“Ava”, the old man snapped in a posh British accent, “Behave, would you?”
“Oh c’mon A, I’m sure Mel can see us now!” replied the girl as she kept staring at my face. “You can, can’t you?” she then asked me.
I was baffled.
“Don’t be silly. We’ve been here for years. Mel just can’t see us. Accept it.”
“But A!” whined Ava, “Can’t you feel it?”
I looked at them with big eyes. “Who are you? How do you know my name?”
There was a pause. Then, Ava jumped excitedly, shrieking “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! I knew it! I told you so, Adam!” I remember Adam, staring at me with his pale eyes and telling me, “Well, it was about bloody time”.
A hand touched my shoulder. “Mel?” It was one of the nurses. “Who are you talking to?”
I opened my mouth, only for Adam to cut me off: “Don’t bother. They can’t see us.”
“Uh-huh! They can’t, but you can” sing-sang Ava.
And that’s how we met. At first, I was scared and I didn’t want to believe what my senses were telling me. I just couldn’t believe it. So I rejected Adam and Ava, I tried to ignore them, but it was impossible.
I was miserable.
Eventually, they grew on me. We started a life with each other. I learned to crave the moments Ava was dancing, light on her feet, when we could listen to music, while Adam gently swayed with the rhythm, eyes closed, slowly falling asleep. I learned to talk to them. I learned to let them in. I learned to love them. They became a part of me.
You would think letting Adam and Ava become a part of me was a sign that I was getting better. My psychiatrist thought otherwise.
“How do you feel today?” Anna asked nicely. She was always nice.
“Well, we’re feeling amazing!” replied enthusiastically Ava.
My psychiatrist made a face and wrote something on her notebook. She seemed displeased to hear Ava speak for us. “Mel? Can I talk to you, please?” she requested.
“What is it?” I answered.
“Mel. You can’t let your personalities take over you like this. We talked about learning to control them, remember? About shutting them out. This is important.”
I didn’t see why that was a problem. “B-But they’re a part of me” I stammered.
When Anna looked at me, although she tried to hide it, I saw pity in her eyes. Confusion. A dash of anger. But when she spoke, her voice was soft, gentle. “In that case, who’s me?”
Then it struck me. Who was I?
“You’re us. And we’re you.” said Adam and Ava together.
No. No. Who was I? Who’s me? Who… I looked at them. “Who are you?” What Anna just asked me had brought me several weeks back. I felt like I was falling in a dark pit, like a chasm had opened under my feet. I was lost. I was afraid.
I barely heard my psychiatrist ask me if I was alright. All I could focus on was that simple question: who am I? Am I Ava? Am I Adam? Is there a place for me in this mind? Who is Mel? …What if Mel isn’t me? What if me… is someone else?
A hand touched my clenched fist, startling me.
“Mel.” Anna started. She looked distressed. “I want to help you get better. But you have to listen to me.”
She then started to talk about some medicine and pills and tests and… And I wasn’t listening. I mechanically nodded. I mechanically took the paper she gave me. I left.
At the door, I stopped. I looked at the paper. It was a prescription for a pill I didn’t know about, but somehow, I knew it would make Ava and Adam disappear.
“You can’t do this.” said Ava. I looked up. Her lips were quivering and unshed tears shone in her eyes. “You can’t do this. We’re human beings too!” Are you?
“We don’t know what it’s supposed to do,” I started, “we-“
“Don’t play that game with us. We all bloody know what this thing will do.”
I averted my eyes. “We were fine before!” cried Ava. “Why- Why can’t we go on like this? Why do we have to take those pills?” She was crying now. My chest ached. I said nothing.
I remember someone taking the prescription, coming back and placing a small pill in my hand. I remember Ava sobbing. I remember Adam sighing, defeated.
A tear rolled on my cheek.
When I woke up the next day, they had disappeared.
Who am I?
I am me. I am Mel. And I’ve killed two human beings.
I am miserable.
Merci d'avoir lu!
Toutes critiques sont les bienvenues ♥
