Extraits

Don’t look at me!” Tex shouted, if it could be believed, sounding even louder. “Jee-zus, huggin’ and cryin’ and badass motherfucker showdowns in livin’ rooms and takin’ a break from the action to have Sunday breakfast with your man’s mother, what the f**k? We gonna take a side trip to the mall next or do we want to find this f**kin’ guy?”

“Actually, I could use a side trip to the mall,” Sissy put in. “I didn’t bring enough clothes with me from Wyoming and I don’t want to go back to my house. It depresses me.”

“What’s wrong with your house?” One of Olivia’s girls asked.

“Drive by, AK-47 through the living room. It’s a mess, all my pottery, dust.”

I stared as all of Olivia’s girls nodded, accepting this as if Sissy had said her house had been accidentally flooded by the normal, everyday, but annoying, occurrence of blocked pipes.

“I could go to the mall too,” Daisy added. “Marcus is takin’ me out to dinner tonight and I don’t have a thing to wear.”

A thought hit me and I said, “I need thirty minutes in the lingerie section, Luke and I have special plans tonight.”

Tex looked to the heavens. “Lord, forgive me for what I’m about to do.”

“What are you about to do?” Sissy asked.

“Wring all you alls necks,” Tex boomed back.

came by for Ava because she’s too sweet to tell you what I’m gonna tell you.”

Uh-oh.

I had the feeling Luke was in the mood to be brutally honest.

“Luke –” I started but he kept talking.

Your Mom told my Mom that we were together and it looked serious. My Mom gathered the Barlow Bitches from Hell and they all came, in their words, to ‘see for themselves’.”

“Why the f**k would they do that?”

“I don’t know,” I cried, but quietly so my family wouldn’t hear. “They’re the Barlow Bitches from Hell. Why do they do anything?”

“You sound agitated,” Luke pointed out the obvious.

“Did you hear me?” I squealed then sucked in a controlling breath before I went on more quietly. “My Mom and sisters are here to see for themselves that we’re serious.”

“Babe, calm down.”

“Calm is not an option. I need cookies. I need tequila. I need cookies drenched in tequila. I can barely cope with my family when my life isn’t complicated to the point of insanity. But, may I remind you, my life is complicated to the point of insanity!”

“You’re lucky I’m even speaking to you right now. Get ready. Once we’re off the phone this episode bought you at least forty-eight hours of the Ava Barlow Silent Treatment.”

“Jesus, you’re cute when you’re pissed,” he said and he sounded like he meant it.

Argh!

Try not to do anything today that’ll get you in trouble.”

“You try not to do anything that will get you incarcerated,” I shot back.

“Are you hunting all night or are you coming to my place?”

“I’ll be there.”

“When?”

“Soon.”

“When’s soon?”

“Soon is soon.”

“Luke.”

“Babe.”

Silence.

Stalemate.

I broke the silence. “All righty then, just wake me up when you get home.”

“Why?”

“I want to know you’re safe.”

“You want me to f**k you.”

For goodness sake.

So he was right. He didn’t have to point it out.

“Who’s full of himself tonight?” I asked.

“Someone’s gonna be full of me tonight,” he used The Voice and its edge was smooth as velvet

Can I just ask, after we find this guy, can we talk about the Vibrator Ceremony? I’m thinking of making us all kind of choir like robes to wear but with sequins and some satin sashes as belts. Maybe in chartreuse.”

It was then I was wishing someone would shoot me.

Your mother and sisters come to town often?”

I blinked in confusion, not only at his change in subject but at his calm, rational tone. Gonzo Luke was a memory.

“Not really,” I told him.

“But they come to town?”

“Sometimes.”

“Do I have to be nice to them?”

You are such a jerk!” I snapped and gave him a shove that was so hard, he rocked back at the shoulder. I was too angry to realize I’d finally scored a physical push. Instead, I kept ranting. “You know, Lucas Stark, the reason I got contacts and lost weight was because you hugged me at your Dad’s funeral and later I overheard Marilyn and Sofia making fun of me, and you, because we looked stupid together. You, hot, handsome Luke hugging me, Fatty, Fatty Four-Eyes. They said the sight of us made them throw up a little. They said you had to be g*y to hug me. I vowed, vowed,” I shouted the last word at the top of my lungs, caught in a dramatic tizzy I could not control and didn’t even try, “that you wouldn’t lay eyes on me again until I could be held by you and if anyone saw us no one would throw up a little or think we didn’t look right together.”

Talk to me,” he clipped and it wasn’t a request.

“Maybe –”

“Ava, do not keep any more of this shit from me. Tell me what the f**k happened, right, f**king, now.”