Extrait

Sean's true to his word. No one stops us as we leave. I try not to look at the pathetic demons as we pass them, but they're seared onto my brain.

Back in the car, Leo guides us smoothly to the road that will take us to Shancoom. "So," I say, because no one else is, "I was right."

"Can you not", Artemis says.

"Why not?"

"Just let me think!"

"Think out loud. Honora has new employment. No wonder Sean has done so well!" He has a Watcher on his side. How could she take the generations of knowledge and training she's been entrusted with and use them to help someone like him?"

"Nina," Artemis snaps.

"Too many bodies led us to Sean and whatever he's running here. We have to tell the Council about Homora."

"Why?" Artemis asks.

"Umm, because she's working with the demon underworld? And she's also got some kind of superstrength that's not normal."

"Look, I get it, she's doing some messed-up stuff. You were right. Fine. But you had no problem keeping secrets before. I want to give her a chance to explain herself."

I twist in the passenger seat so I'm facing her. "Did you miss the part where she could have done that, but instead she held a knife under my chin?"

"Everyone was being confrontational!" Artemis pauses, taking a deep breath. "She shouldn't have done that. I know. I really do, Nina. Honora can be impulsive and defensive. You don't know what she went through growing up. There's a reason she doesn't trust the Watchers. Why she would choose to work for someone else."

"Even after everything you saw tonight -- everything Honora did and has done -- you're still taking her side?"

"I'm not taking her side! I'm trying to tell you why you need to stop judging her until you have all the information."

"Then by all means, give it to me!"

Leo pulls into a petrol station. "I'm, uh, going to fill up." He gets out and closes his door.

Artemis stares out the window. "She used to show up to training with her wrists covered in welts. When she didn't perform as well as her mother thought she should, she'd be whipped. Did you know that?"

"I -- no."

"No, you didn't. You have no idea what Honora went through. What her mother was like. So if Honora wants to use what she learned to try and have some sort of life, I guess I don't blame her. She deserves some happiness."

"Does she? Does having a mean mom justify what she's doing? She betrayed the Watchers by--"

"They betrayed her by not taking care of her when her mother so obviously wasn't! God, you talk like they're holy. You're the one who's always questioning the Watchers' traditions, telling me over and over that we can do better. But when it comes down to it, you're totally fine with the Watchers staying the way we are. We find a friend in trouble, and you want to turn it right over to them. Let them discuss her. Censure her. Maybe even lock her up. Did you know that's what the bottom floor of the castle is? It's not ruins. It's cells."

I take the information like a blow to the stomach. They told me the bottom floor was off-limits because it wasn't safe. Not because it was a prison. "I-- didn't know."

"No, because you've never seen it. You never have to see anything you don't want to. You don't see that the Watchers have become completely useless -- a sad, broken society desperately trying to hang on to the glory days that will never come again."

"If you felt this way, why didn't you talk to me? I though you liked being part of it. You were so good at it."

Artemis finally sits back, letting out a long breath. "How could I tell you I wasn't happy, when I had what you wanted? I knew you'd trade places with me in a heartbeat. You worship the Watchers."

"I don't worship them."

"You do."

"It's important to me. There's a difference. It's our family heritage. In his diary, Dad was --"

"Dad's dead. That's our legacy. Dad's dead, and Mom lied to both of us our whole lives. About everything." She brings her hands to her face and covers her eyes. "I felt so bad that she chose me first in the fire. I wanted you to know that someone would always choose you first, always protect you. I wanted to be a damn Watcher so I could make the whole world safer for you. All these years, Mom could have mentioned that you'd be a Slayer one day and I'd be absolutely pointless." Her shoulders shake, and I don't know whether she's crying or laughing bitterly.

Would she really have left if it wasn't for me? Does she want to now?

"I'll always need you," I whisper. "You're my sister."

"It's not the same, though. We can't pretend it ever will be again."

She's right. As much as I don't want her to be, she is. Everything is different. "I won't say anything about Honora," I offer as a bridge over the chasm between us. "You can decide what to do about that."

"Thank you," she whispers, but she doesn't look at me.

Leo gets back in, silent with his own internal strife. He starts the car, and we're sealed in the hum of the engine and the road beneath the tires. No one talks.

I remember the split between the two girls in Cosmina's photo. Slayers are "supposed" to be alone, Cosmina had said at the pit. Was that my destiny too?