Keep Me Still, Tome 1

I can feel them watching me. Warily. Wondering if something will happen that will cause me to snap like before. Some of the looks say they pity me, a few are intrigued, and the rest try to pretend I don’t exist because they don’t want to think about it. About how one second things can be perfectly normal and the next it can all be torn to shreds. Destroyed, ripped apart, and broken. Like me.

The hallway is crowded but no one bumps or brushes against me. An overstuffed backpack barely grazes me, and it’s the closest I’ve come to physical contact in years. This time last year, the steady hum of voices and shouts would have caused me to crawl inside myself and hide, but I can handle it now. I work on my deep breathing like Dr. McCalla taught me and it helps.

Even though I’ve made it through the first two weeks of my senior year without a single incident, everyone still avoids me. No one wants to accept that they have no control whatsoever and tomorrow they could be walking down these halls just like me. Stared at like a ticking time bomb about to blow. Or ignored completely.

What they don’t realize is I’m fine now. Mostly.

I raise my hand twice in Physics and Dr. Anders looks right through me both times. Even though I’m in the front row. Same thing happens with Mrs. Tatum in English. And Dr. Sands in Calc.

Maybe I should hold up a sign. I’M OKAY NOW FOR FUCK’S SAKE!